<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>A Very Bad Idea by Leor_Ataraxia</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27677269">A Very Bad Idea</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leor_Ataraxia/pseuds/Leor_Ataraxia'>Leor_Ataraxia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians &amp; Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Attempt of Comedy, Bad Dragon, Fairy Lust Company, Gen, Promp: Vulgar Trash, Sex Toys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:28:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27677269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leor_Ataraxia/pseuds/Leor_Ataraxia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico just wanted to sleep, but somehow got tangled in a discussion about odd sex toys.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Banned Banned Together Bingo 2020, Banned Together Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Very Bad Idea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sorry for the grammar mistakes, I'm still learning English.</p><p>This is part of Banned Together Bingo, the prompt is "Vulgar Trash"</p><p>I thought this applied to vulgar trash because talking about dildos can be considered vulgar, and the trash part well, I guess this counts as trash???</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> "I'm telling you, Bad Dragon is not the only one doing this stuff!" </p><p>Nico hated himself for recognizing the brand and almost falling on the floor by stumbling with his own feet.</p><p>That is not the type of stuff you expect to hear at 2 am on a Saturday in the lounge of your dorms. </p><p>He probably shouldn't be there, by the virtue of being too late by the standards of what should be a healthy student. For starters, a healthy student who was a millennial was so rare you may as well had more luck looking for a unicorn, let alone with the history that Nico has; depression, anxiety, possible BPD but was too scared to made sure of it- a whole package that was a recipe for unhealthy habits. A bad sleep schedule wasn't the best, but wasn't drugs so he takes what he can. </p><p>Second, he being out of his room was odd. He normally just go out to get food, and even then he would just take it to his room despite being against the rules; he preferred to get in trouble with the monitor than be alone at the table and made obvious how much of a pariah he was. </p><p>In moments like that he wished Reyna, Will or Lou lived there; hell he would even take Cecil for that matter. </p><p>In any case, if it was a bad time, not a place he hangs out and without any friends, why he was there?</p><p>Well, he went to get some tea, in hopes he may it may help him to sleep; because he still wasn't able to shut his eyes closed and was getting a little desperate; and definitely wasn't expecting to hear stuff from that company. </p><p>In his defense; if you are a queer person who ever gets curious about sex toys, you will hear of them sooner or later.</p><p>And if he has anything well, that wasn't anyone's business. </p><p>"Nico!" Said an ashamed voice who recognized him immediately, red cheeks who looked between wanting to explain himself and being mortified. </p><p>Jason looked at him like a kid who got caught trying to take cookies without permission. Frank, who was beside him, had ducked his head in what appeared to be shame, or maybe he was just sleepy. Leo was on the other side of the blonde, with a laptop in his lap and a cheeky grin that show he didn't have any regrets (and in reflection, he was the one who said the phrase that tips him off). And finally, Percy was with the Latino, with a sheepish smile than years ago would have made his heart flutter, but now just made him want to ask what the fuck he did now.</p><p>All of them were in one of the sofas, which was a rounded shape and a navy color, big enough to fit multiple people but in a way that you couldn't lie down comfortably unless you liked back pains. there were a couple more laptops on the coffee table, but they had apparently been forgotten by whatever Leo was showing them.</p><p>Unless he suddenly had a dirty mind, it was dildos. </p><p>"What are you doing here?" He decides to ask, still surprised to find anybody at this hour, although the focus of the discussion was still burning in the back of his mind.</p><p>Frank is the one who answers, raising his head; he does indeed look tired, yet also a little pink "We were supposed to work on a group project, but Leo took a tangent" at that last part, he glared at the engineering student. </p><p>"Hey! Is almost finished anyway, and we needed some good laughs; I still don't understand why I need to take an English course anyways, is boring and not related to my career"</p><p>"Don't you need English for like, your daily life?"</p><p>"I speak and write it fluently, that's as much as I would ever need"</p><p>Well, that explains why the four of them were on a group project, because as far as Nico knew, none of them were studying the same career. Nico wasn't exactly too familiar with any of them; Frank he knew because he was dating his sister, and was currently studying to be a therapist. He knew Percy since middle school, and was studying to become a teacher, since he aspired to be what no one was to him in his school years. Jason, he knew thanks to Reyna, and if remembered correctly, he decided to become a social worker for personal reasons; and Leo was friends with him, and was basically a prodigy that was studying to become an engineer. </p><p>None of them were on the same path, yet an English course was mandatory so they were all stuck together in it apparently. Nico was lucky he decided to get that out of the way in his first semester, even if a medical student, perhaps getting extra stuff at the beginning was not the best move. It worked in the end anyway. </p><p>What was not working for him is the devilish smile Leo was forming on his lips. </p><p>"You know what we're talking about, no? You recognized the brand" He said with conviction, while Jason and Frank looked between astonished and embarrassed, while Percy snorted. </p><p>Nico felt his cheeks burn, but he scoffed "I'm in my 20s and I'm on the internet all the time, who hasn't exactly heard of that brand with that description?" </p><p>"So you don't have any BDs bellow your bed?"</p><p>"No, and if you try to barge in my room regardless of the reason, I would hit you with that laptop of yours" Besides, keeping a bad dragon toy below the bed would be a pretty bad idea, those things get dirty easily- or so he had hear, of course. </p><p>At least the Latino decided to leave the conversation at that, focusing on the screen of his laptop instead "This baby can take the hit anyway, and I had been beaten with worse stuff" </p><p>"Leo that last part sounds really concerning-"</p><p>"Stuff from the past superman, nothing is currently happening" His smile felt a little stiff, but it wasn't anything Nico was going to pry; they weren't close and he would hate if somebody tried to snoop in his own issues, regardless of good intentions. "In any case, want to see a world cup butt plug?"</p><p>Di Angelo blinked at that phrase, slowly, like processing he heard that right; he expected Leo to laugh for believing at him, yet he looked expectantly at him to finally ask. He decided to bite the bullet just to not go to the other topic in the room "I don't think Bad Dragon has a toy like that"</p><p>Immediately, he wanted to smack himself for admitting to being <em>that</em> familiar with the brand. </p><p>"Wow, you sound pretty sure of yourself-" And also smack Leo for figuring it out. </p><p>"Is just logic, they focus on monsterfuckers so a world cup dildo would not make sense with their brand" And that was probably the oddest phrase Nico has ever said out loud to this day. </p><p>"Is monsterfucker even a word?" Frank asked, looking a little concerned. </p><p>"It is" And because they were the internet geeks, Nico and Leo answered at the same time. The word was probably not in a common dictionary, but for how often it was seen online, it should be. </p><p>"For your own sanity, don't look on it, and for your own safety, don't mention it to my sister" He glared at that last part, making the Canadian almost pee on his pants. Nico normally would not threaten him, he was a kind soul who was so good he was worthy of Hazel; who was also too pure for this world and too shy to talk about this stuff, so he preferred she would stay unfamiliar with that word; or the fact that Nico knew it too well. </p><p>"Back to the fake dicks- is not a dildo, is a butt plug, and is not sell by Bad Dragon, but by Fairy Lust, another company" With that phrase, Leo proceeded to turn his laptop to him, and show the thing. </p><p>It was tacky as fuck; it looked similar to the shape of the world cup, with a yellow color that resembled gold without looking metallic, and a little line of green on the bottom. Nico was familiar with Butt Plugs and Dildos, including odd-shaped ones, and he definitely didn't want that thing in his ass. </p><p>"That cannot be real" Nico took a seat beside Percy (because it was the closest place available to the laptop, not other reason) and took the laptop just to see the image better. </p><p>"It was, I think they took it down thanks to copyright, but I couldn't find information about it"</p><p>"And thank goodness for that, because that should have been illegal" </p><p>"The Alien Dildo is still in his page, though" Percy mentioned, making Nico turn to him so fast he almost feel the backlash in his neck. </p><p>"WHAT?!"</p><p>"Yep!" Valdez was laughing at that, and quickly took the computer back and typed down the website, while Nico looked still astonished for that information.</p><p>"For what Leo showed us, they can create even odder stuff than Bad Dragon, and that is saying something" Percy looked way too proud of sharing that information, which made Nico wonder if he had a collection of toys on his own. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know or leave it at a mystery, but he knew he definitely wasn't going to ask. </p><p>"How can be worst- oh shit is actually worst" He couldn't get mad when the people in the room laugh at his comment, in fact, he didn't process the fact that they were laughing, because his eyes were captured by the image in the screen. </p><p>If you were familiar with Alien, you probably were aware of the chestbuster scene. It was an iconic scene that had traumatized viewers in its time, the horror of having something eating from inside out combining it with the visuals who made it appear almost real was enough to make more than one gasp of horror. Well somehow somebody thought people wanted to have that baby alien up to your hole, and since apparently, the reviews were all positive they were right.  </p><p>Nico has seen weird stuff on the internet, this (sadly) wasn't the weirdest thing he has seen there either, yet the idea that somebody saw a monster came out of the chest of a suffering man and say "I want to be fucked by that" was enough to leave him questioning if the internet was a mistake or not. </p><p>"Internet was a mistake" he decided with a bored voice, making the others laugh once more. </p><p>"I mean, it could be worse, at least you can't choose the size like with bad dragon"</p><p>"These are supposed to get in another size? I thought it was just one size" Jason asked, apparently curious by this subject. Nico wasn't surprised that the man wasn't familiar with this stuff. He wasn't sure if Jason was straight or not, but he definitely didn't look like the kinky type. </p><p>Deciding to throw for a moment the impression that he only knew Bad Dragon by coincidence, Nico arched an eyebrow "Part of the selling point of Bad Dragon is being customized; size, color and texture, that's what makes it so attractive, or part of it"</p><p>"I thought you said-"</p><p>"Is literally the selling point Leo, and if you apparently look at this stuff just for funsies, I would be surprised you don't know any of this" he barked back, a little tired of insomnia, this discussion, and the cheekiness of the guy. He wasn't the most patient person, and Valdez's energy sometimes was too much for him, and by sometimes he meant usually. </p><p>"Ohh but I do, I was actually warming them up for the discovery of Stan Extra Large" Of course, he exuberated anticipation, like a child ready to open up his chritsmas presents. At the mention of said thing, Nico couldn't help but wince; damn him and his knowledge in hefty dildos. </p><p>"Is worse than the alien dildo?" Jason sound incredulous in his voice, and Nico didn't know how to answer that. The chestbuster dildo was horrifying for sure, but Stan Extra Large lived to its inspiration, the T-Rex. </p><p>Leo didn't lose time on showing the damned thing, and the faces of horror made the Italian almost laugh, if it wasn't because he was getting pained just by looking at it. </p><p>"There is no way somebody can actually use that," Percy said immediately, looking at the comparison between the soda can and the toy. </p><p>"That looks like my arm, and my arm is not exactly thin either" Jason sounded between impressed and aghast, perhaps imagining what should be having that thing in your ass. This was making Nico once again, wondered if he was interested in that type of thing-</p><p>"I mean, fisting exist" </p><p>"That is supposed to be only your hand, not up to your bicep" </p><p>"Oh, so you kno-"</p><p>"We all know about sex and kinks Leo! You aren't the only one and the fact that you know makes it as suspicious as any of us" Nico basically screamed, tired of him acting so smug on all this conversation. </p><p>And of course, it was at that moment that the security guard decided to appear. </p><p>"The hell are you guys talking during these hours?!" The man claimed in shock, with a flashlight in hand yet turned off, probably because the lounge had the lights on anyways; perhaps not the brightest (no pun intended) idea considering the fact that all of them should be in their rooms, yet none of them thought about that considering the topic of conversation. Speaking of that, the guy directed to Nico now "And what are you talking about?"</p><p>Nico wanted to groan out loud, and of course, Leo didn't hide his laugh this time, and probably the fact that being caught on being a perv was put in the backseat while dealing with the security guard.</p><p>Since all of this was his fault, they let the Latino do the chat, what almost landed them in a talk about safe sex and consent, but then the man stopped mid-way and just sighed, muttering "kids these days" and making sure all of them went to their respective rooms. </p><p>Was after the door of his room was closed that Nico realized he never got the damn tea that started all this situation, so instead went to his drawer, going for the cabinet that was mostly stuffed with his underwear, getting from the bottom Archer, his Bad Dragon Toy. </p><p>If he was going to spend the night talking about that company without getting some, he may as well get it from the damn thing he bought. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't own any of the toys presented today, tho I don't mind saying I own both some toys from Fairy Lust and Bad Dragon; and I actually need to control myself to not get something else from Bad Dragon; I don't even like the company that much but the variety-</p><p>Back to less raunchy stuff, this was worse than I imagined; I could make it longer but I didn't have any good ideas of how to put more jokes, sadly comedy is not my forte. I think this holds good enough to publish it, but man I wish it could be better. </p><p>I had a lot of nsfw for somebody who doesn't write it that much, I wasn't sure what to put in this prompt so I thought "wouldn't be funny to have the guys talking about funny dildos?" and this happened. </p><p>I actually had done this, both in real life and online; what can I say I'm a disaster.</p><p>Also for those curious, Archer is one of few toys that actually look human; I decided don't show Nico being a monsterfucker, in this at least. </p><p>That's it, hope somebody likes it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>